I was in the supermarket the other day looking for a particular brand of shampoo when I bumped into a couple visibly arguing right in front of the shampoo I wanted to buy. It was awkward at first, trying to reach a bottle while hearing the contents of an unrelated argument which made me wonder, why is this issue so important that they feel the need to stop their shopping and argue in a public place creating a minor scene. It could be something as big as financial trouble or as small as too much junk in the cart. Issues. This reminded me of my, now distant, best friend who got married very recently and is now unable to live with her husband owing to a hoard of small issues creating a big gap between the two.
Why do issues get the best of a relationship? Why do people give up before a mountain heap of issues instead of tearing it down? I asked the same question to that friend and all she said was ‘you don’t understand.’ I’m sure I don’t and I don’t have to necessarily. But the question is do you? Do all these people facing issues in their marriage understand their issues?
Problems faced in a marriage are so wide. Some of them can be easily sorted with communication between the two, but, what do they do when the problem is beyond their scope of understanding? When reaching the root of the problem by themselves becomes impossible? As far as I know, most of them give up or give in. These two options aren’t always the only ones available. Seeking help from a third neutral party could do wonders for the marriage. What i mean is seeking marriage counselling could be a more sane option than the other two.
In a country like India, however, it is frowned upon to opt for marriage counselling. People, including the ones that love you and want the best for you, would prefer it if you solved your issues between you two sans involving anyone else including a professional. I can almost imagine them saying tings in line of ‘why do you want to wash your dirty laundry in public?’ And if you aren’t able to solve your issues, then you might as well live with them, because divorce, too, is looked down upon. Yes, after reading this a few of you will definitely say that the views are changing and it’s not the same anymore. I, however, think that the views of barely 3-5% of people are evolving the rest being unexposed to these topics in detail or not willing to budge from their age-old opinions.
I’m not asserting when two people face the simplest of problems they immediately must run to get an appointment with a marriage counsellor or not communicate and try to overcome their issues on their own. All I’m trying to say is don’t be engulfed by those problems, don’t sacrifice your marriage in the process. Get an appointment with a counsellor, try to follow what the he/she says, and you might be able to see through your issues together. Of course there are chances that the process might not leave you unscathed and might affect your relationship, but trust me, this effect will definitely cease once the process concludes. Also there are possibilities that your problems won’t be solved with the aid of such counselling and you would be obligated to take recourse of some extreme measures, but these chances are way too little as compared to the success rate of it.
I’d say take a chance, don’t let the views of others govern your marriage, for taking the aid of a marriage counsellor and fighting for what matters would always turn out to be a boon for you and your marriage.